Working for the weekend

It's Friday night and I'm nursing Ellie before she goes to bed. I'm going to miss quietly rocking with the soft glow of her pink lamp every night. I honestly wasn't set on breastfeeding. It was my first choice, but I set myself to be okay with bottle feeding if it didn't work out. I know it can be really hard and with how crazy life was going to become with her arrival and the move and going back to work so quickly, I told myself, "we'll do whatever works." because really, that's what counts. Making it work. And Ellie took to it like a champ. It was really nothing I did. Okay maybe dozens of lactation-cookies helped,but other than that it was all her. And now that she is night weaned (finally!) and I can feel my body slowly returning from the hormone trip that is pregnancy and breastfeeding (finally!) I'm sad. I'm sure we'll keep it up for a bit, but work is going to have me traveling soon and being away will be hard. I'm just grateful that this was something we were able to do for a while. I feel like it's been one long wean from being a tiny jumping bean inside my belly, to being born, and still relying on me to feed her. Now she'll just rely on me to teach her and love her.

The words are back, perhaps

It is amazing what a little sleep can do, or I should say close to normal sleep. We still generally wake up at least once a night. The record is making it all the way until 5am(but that's Ellie sleepign not me, I wake up at least twice eto check on her), but I've really got no complaints. Besides how loopy sleep deprivation makes me, I really don't mind getting up with Ellie. Pretty much, I'm a sad sack who thinks 8+ hours is just too long to be away from her. Sometimes after I feed her in the wee morning hours I will want to just cuddle her for a bit, she is a great sleeper and prefers her bed, so she will start to fuss in my arms until I lay her down where se can stretch out and go to sleep. We were blessed with such a happy little baby. At this rate I'm thinking we could handle at least 15 more. (It's a little fun to see the color leave Peter's face when I say that.) All this to say, I'm finally feeling more like myself. I'm able to hold a conversation well, or at least much better that I was just 1 month in and my feelings and creativity are returning. It is a good feeling. I was slightly concerned that I'd never return from the haze of being a new mom. It helps that Peter has started school and we are all getting into a good routine. I craved routine all summer, but its hard with a growing infant who had her own ever changing schedule. I think the words miht be back. We'll see if they are here to stay.

Survival

I used to be able to write. It was never perfect by any standard, but I could tell a funny story and people would laugh. But really I did it for myself. It felt good to write.

I used to be able to write. Then I had a baby. And my brain is painfully perpetually jumbled. I'd like to think that one the baby gets a bit older and we all sleep a bit more my ability to focus and make a joke or two will return, but let's be honest - I'll probably be working on another baby before that happens. Maybe when I'm old and my babies have grown it will come around again,like an old friend. Maybe sooner than that. But for now, I'm humbly acknowledging that for everything there is a season and in my current season I cannot write.

So long, Provo

In the first month of Ellie's life she met all of her Burch aunts and uncles (7), all of her Platter aunts and uncles (5 with one missionary through skype), all of her cousins (5), all of her grandparents (4), and one great grandma. They all came to visit before we made the trek from Utah to Ohio. Even though we spent that list month in Utah visiting I feel like we left without saying goodbye. We didn't know we'd be leaving quite so quickly until about two weeks after she was born and then it was a mad rush to get everything ready. On top of the short time frame I had gone back to working eight hours a day and was still recovering from a c section. I wish we could have sat down and visited with all of our ward friends. And that we could have taken Ellie in strolls through the neighborhood. (this idea was hampered by the fact that for 2 weeks straight it rained every evening.). But now we are on the other side of the country. I miss Provo, a place I thought I'd never live. I've told Peter we can retire in Provo since working as a dentist there doesn't make much sense. And who knows, maybe we will. He could teach a tooth carving class at the University.

I'm sure I will come to love Ohio. We are already liking our home and it gets better with every little project we complete. In 4 years I'll probably want to stay in Ohio, but writing the story of what comes next can wait.